The Outcast
by Red Snowsled
Summary: A Lupin fic, set about a year before Voldemort's attack on the Potters. Lupin has been branded a traitor among his friends in the Order of the Phoenix. When Lily admits she does not trust him, he decides to burn the bridges and moves away to teach at th
1. Default Chapter

Donna wouldn't look at him. It made their lunch date extremely uncomfortable. It was safe to say that this was Remus' official girlfriend. She was nothing serious to him, but he needed to get on with his life while everyone else got on with theirs. He wouldn't call it love at first sight, but she was funny, charming in an old-fashioned way, and on a good day, witty. And while Remus had a slight preference for red hair, she had a full head of blonde hair that would be equally attractive in any sane man's eye.

"What?" asked Remus, with a little more edge than he meant. He had been irritable for the past few days. Order members had cancelled their meetings late notice with him, making his business with the Order extremely inefficient. He was going to see Dumbledore today about it. On top of that, it was the third night Lily and James had suggested that he go out for dinner instead of hanging around Godric's Hollow for a meal. The cottage had been in James' family for centuries but nobody had ever used it except on rare summer vacations, which made it wonderful as a comfortable hideout with convenient built-in security spells so old and strong it seemed unlikely that anyone would or could break in.

No one but the Dark Lord.

Remus chastised himself mentally for thinking about Voldemort. The arch nemesis of the free world should be to the farthest reaches in the back of his mind at a time like this. It was half past noon on a Saturday in a brightly-lit café with waitresses in tacky costumes. The Beatles were playing on the radio. Nothing was wrong with this little corner of the Earth until Donna spoke.

"Nothing," said Donna quickly. Perhaps that was why Remus seemed to dote on her more than the rest of the pick of eligible females. Donna had an infectious innocence that gave made her the vision of the idealistic youth: righteous, noble, barely able to lie and unable to make it convincing. Unfortunately, it was also people with those characteristics that wound up dead.

"Donna, what's going on?" asked Remus sharply.

"It's just—it's something new that just came in, that's all. It's been bothering me. And I don't think it's true. That's all." She looked down in her coffee, stirring it with a small straw.

"That doesn't explain why you will not looking at me."

She threw him a fast, alarmed expression before looking away.

"It's probably not true, you know, we get a lot of false intell. It happens with spies and that sort of thing."

"What is it, Donna? Does it concern me?" Remus lowered his head slightly to try and look her in the eye.

"No!" she said quickly. "It doesn't say anything about you, specifically."

"Come on, Donna."

"Well, fine. Caradoc just got back from Albania. He says—and I don't believe it—that someone close to the Potters is sneaking around for Voldemort. The person is in the Order and giving away intell."

Remus knocked over his coffee mug in surprise. He stared at the white porcelain between the blue glazes, with the dark brown liquid splashed over the floor.

A waitress looked disapprovingly at him, but he didn't notice. She came over to clean it up.

"Look, I don't-"

"You think it's me," he said in short breath. He blinked. He was losing the ability to breathe. He had never felt so scared, so alone. Even when he had fought MacNair last month which had nearly killed him. Even when just after graduation he had been taken prisoner by three Death Eaters. "They all think it's me. They all think I'm a traitor. They've been avoiding me. Lily—James—my contacts—but why? Why me? Aren't you close to the Potters?"

"Not _that _close," Donna snorted. "Lily never liked me much. Used to dock me points for laughing too loud in the common room during study hour when we were at Hogwarts." Remus might have recalled those incidents if he hadn't been thinking so hard about the news. Donna and her pack of girls were about the most annoying things in Gryffindor Tower. They had followed Remus, James, Sirius and Peter around even though they were a year younger. "It's mostly you, Sirius and Peter."

"Why—why not them?"

"Come on, Remus. Sirius has been joined at the hip to James ever since their first year. The only person that loves James more is Lily." _And James is the only person that loves Lily more than me. Maybe_, he thought to himself. "Then there's Peter. He might almost be a suspect. But then he's really too thick to be traitor, anyhow. Wouldn't know how to go about betrayal if he wanted to, eh? And then there is you. Remus Lupin, mystery man, never opens up, having those interesting disappearances once a month."

"What, do you think I'm having coffee with freaking Death Eaters once a month? Being all chummy with the Dark Lord?" Remus couldn't control his hysterics. "Yeah, that'd be a fun date. 'Want the minutes from last week's Order meeting? By the way, want my best friends' heads on a platter?'"

"Uh, Remus?" asked Donna, nudging him to the side of the table. The waitress was standing there, looking stunned and confused. She had just cleaned up Remus' coffee mug remains.

"Sorry," he mumbled. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled five pound note (his last) and handed it to the waitress before grabbing his frayed jacket and slipping it over his thin shoulders. "Look, I'll see you later, Donna. I've got to go see them and sort this out. Look, it's not me."

"Rem-!" he heard her cry before the faint _whoosh_ of the last air escaping out the door and the swish of his cloak following. He was visible for a moment before disappearing into the crowd of Londoners.

Remus was about to knock on Lily and James' door when his hand stopped. Maybe it was the wolf-sense, the scent of familiarity, an animal keenness that at times seemed more knowledgeable than any human could hope to be. Or maybe it was the feeling of the kindred spirit nearby, a sort of psychic link that reacted to presence. It was just outside of his peripheral vision.

"Sirius," croaked the wolf-man.

"Donna just called. She said she just told you Caradoc's information."

"Yeah. You don't believe it, do-"

"It was silly of her to do so. If you were the spy, you could have easily killed her. Or would it have alerted further attention? I can't understand your motives. Lucky that she was clever enough to tell me you were coming over. Who knows what you would have done if you were with them alone?"

"Sirius, I don't know what funky herb you've been sniffing, but you're raving. I have to sort things out with Lily and James."

"Give me your wand before we go in."

"What?"

"I have to know you're disarmed."

"I'm not going to g-"

"Look, you're not getting in without giving me your wand." Sirius stood between Remus and the door, physically blocking him.

Remus had never been in this position before. He had never stood up to Sirius at Hogwarts when he was a Prefect and should have. They had never been in a physical fight. Remus had witnessed a few short, stormy brawls between Sirius and James, in which they hastily made up afterwards and were evermore the best of friends. Remus did have some considerable strength that derived from his lycanthropy, but he knew that at any time should he use it he would be ostracized and on his face like he had always been without friends.

"Fine," said Remus, vehemently yanking out his wand and shoving it into Sirius' hand. Sirius reluctantly stepped aside and Remus knocked on the door.

Lily answered the door with her face flushed from the heat of the kitchen and in a stained apron that by no means disguised her large, round, pregnant belly. However, her bright smile diminished and she paled, seeing Remus and Sirius' grave expression.

"Come in," she said, brushing her hair back with her fingers. Remus felt slightly offended by the gesture—she only combed her hair for strangers and vague acquaintances, but never friends.

"I have to talk to you," he said quietly in her ear so that Sirius couldn't hear though he strained to.

"Honey, who is-" called James from the kitchen, peering over to see who it was. At the sight of Remus he was in the parlor in a flash, defensively at his wife's side. "Afternoon, Remus," he said coolly.

"Hi, James," said Remus wearily and sat down without invitation on an arm chair by the hearth. James and Lily sat on the couch while Sirius remained standing, alert. "I think there' been a huge misunderstanding. Everyone's been saying I'm a spy for Voldemort-" (Lily clutched her belly slightly) "-and that I've been giving him information about you."

"It wasn't specifically about you," amended Lily.

"But no one's had too many qualms about jumping to conclusions and condemning me."

"Some narrowed down the list," said James slowly. "You're merely the prime suspect."

"Wonderful, wonderful," sighed Remus, rubbing his eyes. He was only twenty-three and crow's feet were already appearing. "Why me? Why not Sirius?"

"Are you accusing me?" asked Sirius in a quiet voice.

"I'm not," said Remus quickly. "You're James' best friend, but I've been friend of both of them for an equal amount of time. So has Peter."

"Peter is more of a liability to the Order than an asset. Everyone agrees he that he lacks the capacity for double agency."

"I would rather be branded incompetent than a traitor, too," said Remus. "I'll quit the Order, I'll stop going to the meetings and listening to information if it will assure you."

"Why? So you can declare your true alliances with the Death Eaters?" asked Sirius quickly, but silenced after a stern look from James.

There was a painful silence in the room. Remus wanted to cry, but sucked it in and tried to control himself.

"Do you truly and gravely believe that I have betrayed Lily, James, and the unborn Potter, our best friends? Closer to us than _family_?"

"Yes," said Sirius with a nod.

"I am more loyal to no one, except perhaps Dumbledore!" cried Remus, standing suddenly, anger rippling off of him and disturbing the cheeriness of the room. His eyes locked with his one hope the world. "Lily, you do not think this, do you?"

If one thing had rung true, fit his definition of eternity, and kept him stable when all things around him had fallen apart or changed, it was his love for Lily, even though she was in love with her husband. Remus bore no ill will toward James for it—they were friends, and he made Lily happier than Remus' half-humanity ever could, and perhaps Remus liked him more for it. But Lily's eyes were quivering under his intense gaze, and the connection made him quiver too. Something was falling apart inside him.

"I don't know what to believe," she replied, tears forming in her eyes. She pulled a tissue out of a nearby box.

"THERE IS NO EVIDENCE!" Remus bellowed, shaking the windows. "MY HONOR IS SPOTLESS! A ROGUE RUMOR HAS CORRUPTED ALL OF YOU!"

"Calm down, friend," said James quietly, holding his wife tightly. Remus wondered: was James afraid of him? "Or I will remove you from my home."

"No need, _friend_," hissed Remus. He yanked out the last article in his pockets—a badge declaring him a member of the Order of the Phoenix, founded by Albus Dumbledore with its mission being to Stop the Rise of Darkness Where it Falls. Remus ripped it up and threw it on the carpet. "This place is as torn as my badge is. This is exactly what He wants: to rip away your friends, your support, your protection from the inside and leave you suspicious and alone. He is weakening us. I will not stay here."

"Remus, stop," begged Lily.

"I am leaving. You will not find me, I guarantee it. I hope you will survive this. Perhaps I will see you again, but I doubt it. I hope you find the real spy in time, if there is one. Good bye, Lily. I think you should know that I love you," said Lupin slowly, his head tilted as he delivered his heartfelt message. "I have always loved you, but I cannot trust you now."

"This is ridiculous!" shouted James, standing now. Lily tried to join him, but she could not stand up. "You're mad, Lupin."

"And as soon as I leave here, perhaps I'll be free of it," Remus countered, yanking on his overcoat. "My pity goes with your child. Tell Dumbledore I'm resigning and I'll be taking that." Remus' nimble fingers grabbed the wand out of Sirius' pocket and he was gone as soon as he walked outside the door, never to be seen by the fearful Potters again.

Remus Lupin lied on his back on the most uncomfortable bed he'd ever slept on in a dingy Surrey inn. He had no idea how he'd wound up there, Hogwarts Prefect, commended specially by the DADA professor at Hogwarts, Auror-in-training. He had owled a regret letter of parting to Donna and an official resignation to Dumbledore. He would let the so-trusted rumors take care of the rest.

He had decided to sever ties with the rest of the magical community, if only for awhile. The Order had plenty of excellent witches and wizards and minus one was hardly a loss. He had resigned in person that night from the Ministry, his second job (that might have actually tilled some gold, the first opportunity ever for him). He had just burned all the bridges of responsibility, caring, evil and good. He felt purged and empty, hungry for something meaningful to start over with.

He sat up and sipped on the coffee that he'd brewed with the in-room Mr. Coffee. He admitted to himself he was addicted and grabbed the paper that an owl had just delivered.

The Daily Prophet's quality of reporting had ebbed away in the last year or so as the Death Eaters paid off the publishers and corruption had spread throughout. It only printed nasty critiques of Ministry, Quidditch and school officials and offered commentary but no call to action on the slow demise of the Ministry of Magic. But the classifieds remained untouched. Remus skimmed through them, looking for a job.

WANTED BY ST. HERA'S SCHOOL OF REMEDIAL MAGIC: KNOWLEDGABLE PROFESSOR TO TEACH UNDERPRIVILEGED CHILDREN. APPLY ON LOCATION OR BY OWL.

The name of the school caught Remus' eye. He had almost been sent there when he was ten years old. Hogwarts had never accepted a werewolf before—most didn't apply. But Remus' parents were desperate not to send their child to St. Hera's, by reputation a school taught in hell by monsters. After Remus had been accepted to Hogwarts by Dumbledore, he did research on the little school. It was a safe harbor for those of persecution, such as hags, vampires, and werewolves that were not allowed at Hogwarts, by mandate of the school governors almost a millennium ago. Unfortunately, most of the educated magical community feared St. Hera's and anyone respectable would never teach there, leaving the instruction position to almost anyone.

The thought made Remus quiver in every section of his insides. _Anyone could teach at St. Hera's_. Even Death Eaters. Voldemort would prize above talented human disciples the scourge of the magical world for his army. Vampires at his call. Werewolves obeying him. They had been oppressed by the world, outcast and condemned. Remus had never known that fact and feeling as well as he had now. It would only take the suggestions of inclusion and acceptance that the less-than-prestigious graduates of St. Hera's would fight the Dark Lord's fight and perhaps win the war for him. If St. Hera's was being used as a recruiting station, then it had to be stopped.

Remus wondered if he'd like children as he wrote out an application.


	2. Potions Teaching Assistant

Remus waited in the dingy office for the secretary to appear. There were soda bottles, old Witch Weekly s and boot tracks all over the floor. Maybe they didn't have enough gold to hire a janitor, but someone could at least tidy the place up a bit. However, he immediately felt ashamed at thinking it, seeing himself in his best suit, which wasn't exactly the best. It was frayed at the hem, the knees, and most embarrassingly, the crotch. A few buttons were missing on the vest as well and the black pattern had long faded to gray. He supposed he would fit right in, then. It had been Lily that had always motivated him to tidy and to clean, but she wasn't here and he was trying to abolish all thoughts of her.

He was startled out of his brooding by an owl rapping on the grimy window. He recognized it as a Hogwarts school owl and wondered how it got so lost. He nearly broke the glass trying to force it open, but it unjammed and the owl swooped in and hovered for a moment, dropped its letter into Remus' hands and swooped out again in less than five seconds.

Remus examined the prize:

_To Remus J. Lupin_

_St. Hera's School of Remedial Magic_

_The Main Office_

_Dear Remus,_

_I regret to receive your resignation and hope that the second enclosed letter will help you in your acquisition of a new position at St. Hera's. I have long been a private benefactor of the place and know you will serve it well. I hope you will continue correspondence whenever possible but I will not impose on you._

_Sincerely and fondly,_

_Albus PWB Dumbledore_

_Dear Mrs. Victoria Glenn-Caster,_

_I am writing on the behalf of my friend and associate Remus Lupin. In employing him in the services of St. Hera's, he will surely benefit the students and the faculty in his practical and reasoning abilities. He has received Excellents in both his O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s in Defense Against the Dark Arts curriculum. I highly recommend him for this post if it is not already occupied. He is also a former Auror and has shown extreme aptitude in application of Defense. I am reluctant to give him up but he was insistent on coming to St. Hera's. I wish him well and wisdom on your part in choosing him._

_Much oblige,_

_Albus PWB Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts_

"So sorry, did I keep you waiting?" asked the lady at the desk. She was a ghost, no doubt, transparent as the glass (I apologize for the poor simile; the glass as stated before was rather grimy). Her hair was old fashioned, twisted and tightly piled atop her head which made Remus think of her as a slightly pompous Professor McGonnagal. Her glasses had cat eyes and her gown was extremely horrendous, flower in pattern and frilly in texture. She also had one, big, fat mole beneath her lips that one couldn't help staring at for a moment. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm here to apply for a position. I saw the ad in the Daily Prophet."

"Ah, right this way. My name is Vicky Glenn-Caster. Can I interview you now?" she asked.

"Yes, please," he said, nodding vigorously. He followed her into the copy room where a card table and folding chairs had been set up. She sat down and he followed suit on the other side of the table.

"Now, your name is-?"

"Remus Lupin, from London. And I have a letter of recommendation." He handed her the letter, still disbelieving of his luck and Dumbledore's sheer brilliance, fine timing, and exaggeration in good taste.

"Aha, very nice," she commented. "We think very well of Headmaster Dumbledore. He has always been, as some say, our 'panic button'. He comes through in emergencies. Anyway, what former situations have you held, Mr. Lupin?"

"Not many. I was an Auror-in-training at the Ministry and, shall we say, an agent of Dumbledore. I'm only two years out of Hogwarts, Mrs. Glenn-Caster."

"Two years? How old are you?" she asked.

"Twenty-one."

"Twenty-one years old! Goodness, you look ten more than that."

"Having the two jobs gave me excess stress," Remus lied casually. "The division was more than I could handle, so I decided to come to St. Hera's. I needed to get away from the city."

Mrs. Glenn-Caster looked suspicious, an expression that was peculiar on a ghost. She titled her head from side to side looking at him.

"You left a high-paying career in the Ministry and direct protection from Dumbledore to come to St. Hera's?"

"Actually, it's a little more complicated than that," said Remus. He hoped to lace together two truths with one lie. "I stated before that I was Dumbeldore's agent, no? This town, and possibly school, has hints of Dark loyalty. He wanted me to investigate and monitor the situation long-term. He wrote me a letter of recommendation to help me get a job here."

"So Dumbledore's sent his spy to sniff out my students and staff?" said Mrs. Glenn-Caster.

"What if someone inside the school is recruiting disciples of Voldemort? Would you risk it?" asked Remus, leaning forward.

"Look, Mr. Lupin. It does not seem to me that this arrangement is going to work. You have obviously given up much to come to St. Hera's for a position assigned by Dumbledore. I will tell Dumbledore all of our positions are full and you can go back to the Ministry."

"Ma'am," pleaded Lupin. "I asked for this assignment."

"Why?"

"It's my lady love," blurted Lupin. _God smite me,_ he thought. "You see, I'm a werewolf. I loved her very much but she became frightened and I could never persuade her to come back to me. I had to leave London because she was there and I came to teach here. It's sort of a purging, in a way."

"Poor thing," sighed Mrs. Glenn-Caster with huge pity eyes, and Remus knew he was in. "Ah well, your credentials are excellent, Dumbledore certifies you, and you'll be helping to keep the students safe, I think. I believe a post is open for you as a double Transfiguration and Defense teacher. It's quite a bit of work, and the pay isn't excellent. But you're young, you'll bounce back, and hopefully other teachers will apply to help share the burden."

Double classes? Remus winced at the thought but quickly stood up and shook Mrs. Glenn-Caster's hand, then forgot she was a ghost as his hand felt like he had just stuck it in a freezer.

"Sorry," he said quickly, yanking his hand back.

"No problem," said with a shadow of a laugh. "You're the first to try all summer. Well, you've come at an inopportune time. Classes don't resume until the middle of August. The best I can do is give you to our Potions Master as a teaching assistant. It'll be good for you to get used to the students and practice the skill. You'll be learning as well as teaching."

"Great. When do I start?"

Remus' finger tips were bright red from burned away skin. The chemicals were not exactly meant to touch. But he gazed in pride at the entire countertop of glass flasks that were spotless. He looked around for something that could treat his sore phalanges but nothing was in sight.

Suddenly the door to the classroom was opened and two giggling women entered. One was so small he thought she was a child of ten before he saw the defined features on her face. The other was angel-like with long, thick, white hair that was bound at her neck. Despite the color, she was quite young, if possibly younger than Remus.

"Oh, hello," said the small one in a high voice. "Is Professor Abergane in?"

"No, he stepped out to get some coffee," said Remus. He was slightly bitter that he had been left to clean two hundred potion holders. "Maybe I could help you. I'm his new TA, Remus Lupin."

"Most happily met, Mr. Lupin," said the small woman with a gracious smile. "My name is Professor Fiona Flitwick."

"Flitwick!" Remus exclaimed in pleasant surprise. "Are related to the Professor Flitwick at Hogwarts, the Charms instructor?"

"He is my uncle, yes. And I teach the same subject. This is my colleague, Professor Anne Castor."

"Nice to make your acquaintance," said the white-haired woman. "I am the Astronomy teacher here at St. Hera's."

"Good to meet you," said Remus, nodding.

"We were going to ask Professor Abergane, but perhaps you could concoct us the Draught of the Living Dead?" asked Castor.

"That's a N.E.W.T level potion," said Remus knowledgably. "It'll be ready in five minutes, if you want to stick around." He snapped his fingers and a flask flew into his hand. It was a parlor trick that Remus had learned from Dumbledore, but it was nonetheless impressive. He had to manually search for the ingredients, though. He lit a fire under a cauldron and lit the vinegar simmer. "So how has your summer been?" he asked conversationally.

"Unkind," said Fiona with a sigh, and sat upon one of the stools next to the lab station. "Last week we were in Drakshire and the fare was poor. We caught two measly ones and by misfortune, the alpha male. He hasn't stopped fighting since the net was put over his head. It's what the draft is for."

"Do you mean dragons!" exclaimed Remus and Fiona nodded. "Goodness, what do you need dragons for?"

"We harvest the whole package," said Professor Castor. "Horn, headstrings, heartstrings, saliva, digestion, brain, lungs, blood, liver and hide. It's a fundraiser and a practical activity for students. We're hoping to start a breeding program next year. We've got a female in the dungeon which has already had her pyroectomy, but we can't get close enough to the male to do the same operation."

Professor Flitwick wiggled her fingers for Remus, displaying the burn bandages wound around her fingers.

"May I ask a question?" asked Remus.

"Certainly," said Professor Castor.

"How will you hide the dragons from the Muggles? Isn't half of the town Muggle populated?"

"An excellent point, Mr. Lupin," said Anne. Her voice was smooth and deep. "However, St. Hera's is large enough to hold one hundred dragons inside its keep without the notice of any outside."

Remus raised his eyebrow thinking about that claim. From the outside he had seen the total of the school—not anything like Hogwarts in appearance, nothing regal or impressive, perhaps it had twenty classrooms. If one dragon was inside, it would probably set the building on fire.

"I can't imagine that," said Remus with a frown. "St. Hera's has plenty of room for its students and staff, but for dragons?"

"You haven't been to the dungeon yet, I take it, Mr. Lupin?" asked Professor Castor mildly.

"No, ma'am."

"It might be safe to say St. Hera's is like an iceberg...you are sitting on only the tip."


End file.
